About the Author

I went to school and wrote. I even write texts to my family and my girlfriend all the time. I write down random notes in my notepad on my phone for things I need to remember, like: "Gene has all the stuff in his house." Who is Gene, and why does he have all the stuff in his house?

I don't remember what that note on my phone was about or why I wrote it, but I wrote it. I also wrote "Tell Jonathan to think about budgeting for stairs" in early 2022, but don't remember who Jonathan is or why he needed to be budgeting for stairs.

The point here is that I have written in the past, and the above mentions are just some of my many qualifications for being a writer. I write a lot, in fact, and have started doing it for fun recently. I live in Northern California, work as a copywriter, and love thinking about outlandish hypothetical situations. "What if janitors were paid as much as hedge fund managers?" "What if our houseplants had a secret language to communicate with eachother?" "What if all internal combustion engines stopped working, all at once?"

Having attended University studying English Literature in Edinburgh and creative writing at Cambridge, I still do not feel I should be allowed to publish a book - but I will do it anyway.